Ba Da Ba Ba Ba

I'm McLovin' it.



Hey, the 16th is TODAY. 9pm CDT (or 10pm EDT for the more normal people out there) is TONIGHT! About an hour after 8pm CDT!

Also, I have it on good authority that Ronald McDonald is one of the clowns who DOESN'T eat kids. So it's not like his house is a supplier of tender soylent green. Mmmmm.... people. *drooool*

Sorry. Right. Ronald McDonald house provides a place for families to stay when visiting hospitals. I know *I* was confused about what they were for a long time. Then I looked it up on the Internets and found out it totally wasn't where Mayor McCheese retired to after his term limits were up (and his popularity down due to his inability to get Officer Big Mac to catch the Hamburgler).

Anyway, it's $10. So it's actually $1 cheaper than The Mookie, and 50% of it goes to a good cause. The other 50% goes to some donkey who sucked out on you after you got it all in pre-flop with AJo and he only had QQ. I mean really, who the hell thinks QQ is good after you push all-in from the button with 3 big blinds against his 20? That douchebag, that's who.

Unless that total dick gives his winnings to the cause as well, then he's not so much a douchebag as a tool with a good heart.

But hey, the world needs tools. So invite all the assholes you know! Also, your family. Unless your family are assholes, in which case you already invited them. And your friends, who while I assume they're assholes, I won't say that because you're my friend and I wouldn't want to offend you... asshole.

It's like a gaping convention in that last paragraph.

Right, kids... charity. Lots of people, jerkwads or not, means lots of money for a good cause. Buy yourself some good Karma. Is Karma capitalized? Beats me. All I know is that if you don't like donating to charity, then you should think of it as donating to your soul. That's selfish, but also selfless.

I signed up yesterday. Why didn't you? Obviously, you hate kids.

Hey, if I win, I'll donate my winnings to RMH Canada. Because I have a good heart.

And so concludes the most horrible post ever promoting a children's charity.

Assholes, Fun, and No Profit - For the Kids

Well, the charity game came off pretty much as expected. Except for the pleasant surprise that the dealers actually knew what they were doing. Sure, there were a few small flubs, and corrections that wouldn't fly at a real game (ie.- dealer accidentally mucks cards, asks player what they were and fishes them out for them), but you can't expect Vegas rules in a game populated with people who are only donating to charity.

My first table was a good one. We had 3 rebuys within the first orbit, and many more to come. There was chatter among strangers, jokes, and drinks. Hell, everyone there even seemed to know how to play.

Except one guy. Drunk, belligerent, and generally an asshole. String betting, neither listening nor understanding the dealer as she explained why she was refusing his raises, and belittling every server that passed. To the point where he brought a completely innocent one to tears because she followed his instructions and he was too drunk and sociopathic to realize he was in the wrong. I wanted a table change just to get away from him.

Then he offered his bottle of Grey Goose to the table, and staying seemed like not such a bad idea.

I was generally card dead and in for $300 when I finally put away my cursed Caesars AC dice. A friend had swung by to see how I was doing and prompted this dice removal. The next hand was cowboys. An all-in before me screamed aces, but I called anyway. Sure enough, the rockets had me dead to 2 outs. The K on the river prompted a fistpump from me followed quickly by an apology to the guy I busted. What can I say, I'm Canadian.

Then it was back to no cards until the same friend came back along with N. I look down to cowboys once again. This time they're good all-in against pocket Ts and I'm looking pretty good. The TT I saw the next hand took out the guy I'd just crushed with the Kings.

The table broke and that was the beginning of the end. No huge hands, and a few stolen blinds kept me around an M of 10, which was less than comfortable, but completely reasonable for the structure we were playing.

Then I made my big mistake.

Pocket 8's and a limping table had me raising it up to 8k (1k/2k blinds). I got two callers, putting the pot at $28k. KQ3 on the flop didn't look good. My buddy M pushed his last 7k forward, and there was one to act behind me.

I gave it some thought. Chances of a K were good, but he could also be making what he figured was a move (not a lot of poker experience) with his stack, so I couldn't discount AJ or a lower pocket pair. Plus, of course, I had my 2 outs to a set, or a whopping 8%. With 5:1 odds, I should have folded. But instead I called. The player behind me called as well. Now she was the worst player at the table. The type who didn't have any idea what her chips were worth, or even how dirty her stacks were. She was relying on the dealer for all instruction. After the dealer counted out 7k in 1k chips for her, she decided she was in.

I was done. She could have bet $1 and I'd have folded. Instead, she checked the brick turn and the brick river, and I happily checked behind. My buddy had AK for TPTK, I had my melted snowmen, and the newbie had KQ for flopped top two pair. Half my stack was now hers.

With only 15k left and the blinds at 1k/2k, I wasn't doing so hot.

I eventually looked down at JTo in position and decided to call a raise to 5k. KQx on the flop kept me in. The flop was checked. Turn was a brick, and another 5k was bet out. I ran the numbers. 8 outs once, or 17-18% 8k left. I go all-in, he's insta-calling, so it's around 6:1 for me to push here. Odds said to push, and I did. River brick sent me home. Right move, wrong card.

Still, it was a fun time, with a generally good group. I'm sure a good chunk of change was raised for the children, so I can't complain.

Next live poker? The usual home game the weekend before I head off to Vegas. I'm leaving the cursed dice at home.

Must, Stop, Writing

I have work to do dammit!

A quandry.

I have the opportunity to play in a charity poker game on Wednesday. Proceeds to various children's charities. Last year they raised $145,000, and I missed it.

$250 buy-in includes food and drink. Rebuys are allowed.

Or The Mookie.