Thursday, January 22, 2009

It's All Relative

I'm pretty sure that my cats maintain the same size, weight, and volume 24 hours a day. Outside the normal fluctuations any member of the animal kingdom has of course.

But at 4:20am, after about 3 hours of sleep, I'm positive their lungs have grown 3 sizes and the volume of their impromtu fight is enough to wake all 347 units in my condo.

At 7:30am, after 6 1/2 hours of sleep, with an interruption around 4:20am, I also firmly believe they have gained 30 lbs and grown 5x their size as they now take up the majority of my queen-sized bed and are pinning down my legs.

You know that fish you had last night? The tuna casserole? Or perhaps the delicious fish pie. Maybe it was some cedar-planked wild sockeye salmon. Maybe it was Chilean sea bass (you bastard), or that rock bass you caught last summer at the cottage. It was really good, wasn't it? Those leftovers in the fridge must have looked really tempting when you decided to bring them in for lunch.

You, sir or m'aam, are an asshole.

Anybody who reheats fish in a company microwave deserves to be put in a pillory and whipped by their officemates. Do you have ANY idea how foul that shit smells? I don't care if it will hurt your wife/husband's feelings that you're going to buy your lunch today... the rest of us don't deserve to suffer because you can't say "no".

Oh, and low and mid pocket pairs aren't worth anywhere near what you think they are, even in the Mookie. You know who you are.

1 comment:

Wolfshead said...

Love that fish comment. Totally agree. Remember walking into the credit union once and the place reeked because on of the tellers had heated up a dish her boyfriend had made for her. Chef or not, next time tell him to make steak or you're going to Mickey D's.