Two Days

ZOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!

THIS Sunday, January 4th, and 9pm EST (that's 21:00 EST for you military types), Julius Goat will be hosting THE tournament of Sunday, January 4th at 9pm EST (21:00 EST). For a MERE $50+5 on Full Tilt (password: busto), you can toss away a percentage of your bankroll!

Superstacks! $0 added to the prize pool! NO OVERLAY AT ALL! High probability of ZERO red pros playing! Potentially dozens of donkeys willing to go all-in with 2P0K on an open-ended straight-flushing flop against 3 raisers! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT?

I know *I'LL* be there, and I haven't played on Full Tilt in over a month! I reloaded JUST TO PLAY IN THIS TOURNAMENT! It will be my first Blogger Tournament since, like, October! It will be THE first blogger tournament of 2009! I like exclamation marks! Don't you want to say you were there when your grandchildren ask? It's so much better than saying "I was porking grandma in the back seat of our new hybrid rental car! Man, your grandma needs it like a bedouin needs water." Because, you know, old people sex is gross.

I'm so there, that even if a busload of female Swedish supermodel nymphomaniacs breaks down in my BEDROOM, I won't unregister. I won't be playing poker in that situation either, but I won't withdraw my money from the game. Well, maybe I'll check in from time-to-time to see if I got aces or not, and then push all in a walk away, so that when I win the hand, you all have to wait like 30 seconds the next hand for the program to auto-sit-me-out. Because, you know, I'll have other things to do... like fill out insurance forms for a FUCKING BUS BREAKING DOWN ON THE 7th FLOOR OF A CONDOMINIUM. Also, maybe some canasta or whatever you do with Swedish supermodel nymphomaniacs.

Right, so anyway, go sign "the fuck" up for this kick-ass, brilliant, idiotic, ingeniously moronic tournament. I'm already there! Seriously, I'm sitting at virtual felt, wondering where everybody is. Helloooooooo? Hello? Oh, Hi! Didn't see you there. Welcome to the game... care for a roofiecolada?

(Bad Bankroll Management Tournament, Full Tilt - Sunday, January 4th, 9:00pm EST (21:00 EST, 22:00 AST, 20:00 CST, 19:00 MST, 18:00 PST, 26:00 UTC, 22:30 in Newfoundland) Password - busto.)