FOOOOOTBALL!

I don't give a shit about football. I don't know a damned thing outside of a few of the big names.

So here are my predictions for this week's slate, I can't do any worse than Waffles.

Washington vs NY Giants - Giants crush Redskins. Why? Because giants a freakin' huge. Also, Washington sucks.

Detroit vs Atlanta - Who cares? I'll go with the falcons, because they can fly. Also, Detroit sucks.

Cincinnati vs Baltimore - Wow, there are two cities to care about. Bengals, because Tigers beat ravens... even if ravens are pretty vicious. Also, both teams suck.

Seattle vs Buffalo - Seattle, because I'm Torontonian and therefore must hate Buffalo.

New York Jets vs Miami - Jets, because Miami sucks more.

Kansas City vs New England - Patriots already beat Chiefs more than once in history, expect the trend to continue.

Tampa Bay vs New Oreleans - Is anybody even there to watch? Never discount pirates, even vs saints.

St. Louis vs Philly - Eagles. Did you see that video of the goat getting pulled off the mountain? Crazy.

Houston vs Pittsburgh - Steelers, keep reaching for that rainbow.

Jacksonville vs Tennessee - Titans....see Giants.

Dallas vs Cleveland - I still don't know what the fuck a Brown is. Well, I think I flushed one earlier. Cowboys.

Carolina vs San Diego - Carolina, no matter how much you charge a panther, it'll kick your ass.

Arizona vs San Fran - San Fran ftw... c'mon, it's freaking Arizona. How mean can a Cardinal be?

Chicago vs Indy - Indy. One good kick to the head takes down a b'ar.

Minnesota vs Green Bay - Packers. Why? Everyone in Minnesota will be exhausted by the RNC.

Denver vs Oakland - Fuck there's a lot of games. I already picked Indy, so I'll go with the Raiders here.

I'll put exactly $0 down on any of these.