Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Catching Up

Let's put some football picks up, because it seems like the cool thing to do. Note: I have no idea what the spreads are like, nor do I give a rat's ass about the NFL. I'll probably watch the Superbowl though. Maybe.

Jacksonville vs New England
Gotta go with the Pats. Why? Because patriots have guns and can shoot jaguars before the get close enough to maul them. As long as their aim is good. Those muskets are hard to reload. Also, my ex is a big pats fan and would hunt me down and kill me if I didn't pick them. Also also, I think they won like most of their games or something.

San Diego vs Indianapolis
Let's take Indy... it comes first alphabetically. But then again, Colts comes after Chargers... could go either way. Maybe Indy. Yah, horses are cool, even if I am allergic to them. They also used to have a Canadian on their team, which is good.

Seattle vs Green Bay
I'm not sure here. I've never really found out what a seahawk is, but a packer just sounds kind of ghey. I think I'll go with Seattle, because assuming a seahawk is a bird, it can fly, which is way more awesome than packing meat, or cheese, or whatever they do in Green Bay. Seriously, Green Bay? And there's only one NHL team in Southern Ontario? WTF?

New York vs Dallas
So, obviously a team of giants would beat a bunch of Brokeback cowboys. Then again, if TO is healthy, he's hard to stop, especially if your name is Corey Webster. Dallas' special teams are way more consistent than NY's, even if they've improved of late. Wade Phillips is a better coach, and Dallas has already beaten the Giants twice this season. Can they do it a third time? I mean, all NY has going for it is a good defense, a solid road game, and Eli finally picking it up and finally winning a playoff game. He's the wrong Manning though, and always will be. But like I said, a team of giants has to be able to beat a bunch of cowboys, right? Giants FTW! Unless Jessica Simpson flashes the in-house camera, then all bets are off.


Okay, now that you're ready to win big money on those games of what I like to call "rugby for poofters", I'll state some poker goals for 2008.

I plan to lose my entire online roll at least twice, and reload, only to have a medium-sized win late in the year to make me feel good about myself. I expect the first bankroll loss will be in attempts to get into the WSOP via online satellites. After achieving this goal on my last dollar, I'll then go on to win the WSOP ME, only to be rolled by a hooker on the way to the taxi stand. Why? Because I'll demand they give me all the money in bills, and put into cartoon-style bags with big dollar-signs on them. In the end, it would have only cost me whatever I spent on that last satellite, right?

The second will be in the BBT: Three's Company. I'll actually come out with a positive ROI in those games, but I'll spend all the money on blogger 0.05/0.10 cash games, thinking that I HAVE to catch on turn with T8o. I'm a freakin' luckbox after all.

Then I'll quietly build back up in time for BBT: Four Those About to Donk, which I will totally rock with my mad poker skillz.

Or I could try and be profitable, expand my horizons, and actually dedicate some time to studying and improving my game. Why do that when I have aces though?



Buddy Dank said...

Great picks! I think I'll fade ALL of them. Errrr......except the Giants.

BamBam said...

OK Sir....

A whopping $10 F/T transfer, Canadian style of course, NO SPREAD crap where the NFL officials or some DONKEY coach can make a gambling diff.
Straight up winner.

Bam-Bam = Green Bay
Astin = Shit Hawks


Jules said...

Drop me an email to juliette at loudandclear dot name and I'll add you to the private list of Loving and Loathing Poker