Friday, January 11, 2008

Making A Run For 1st

A plea to the Toronto Maple Leafs fans of Toronto - please, PLEASE stop going to the games.

Okay, so that took care of 3 people.

For the other 19,000 corporate seat holders - please, PLEASE stop going to the games.

Much better.

You see, the Leafs suck. They've sucked for around 5 years now. I love my Leafs. I have since the 80's. But a relationship can't survive or thrive without honesty. So I'm being honest with myself and my team. The Leafs suck.

40 points. That puts them 3rd last in THE LEAGUE, yet sadly only 5 points out of playoff spot. Last night they lost to the Los Angeles Kings, who, with 34 points, are the WORST team in the league. They lost 5-2. Leafs suck.

But you see, with only 5 points and separating them from a playoff spot (and 6 from dead last), they'll keep spouting the line of "it just takes a streak" and of course the classic "if we make the playoffs, we could really make something happen." Fuck off. Leafs suck.

Thing is, there's 6 teams between them and that spot. That's how many teams were originally in the NHL. There's 2 between them and last. Leafs suck.

People blame Paul Maurice. People blame John Ferguson Jr.. The real responisibilty lies with Richard Peddie and Larry Tanenbaum... aka ownership. Leafs are owned by the Ontario Teachers Pension Plan.. and Larry Tanenbaum. It's an ugly situation. Peddie brought in Ferguson as the GM. An untested, rookie GM with assistant management experience. He has sucked harder than an angry hooker since he got here. Stubborness followed by panic made him overpay for the pylon that is Bryan McCabe. Then we went out and overpaid for Pavel Kubina. We have the most expensive and yet one of the least effective defensive corp in the league - 143 goals against - 5th worst. This is made worse by goaltending that could be called "uncertain" at the best of times. The moron who makes the trades decided that we had two top-tier goaltending prospects, so we should trade one for a netminder that had a great rookie year and then sucked hard after. Good call. Of course, this blew, so he then traded a 1st round draft pick for another team's backup the following year. We also go their resident problem child in the deal. Yay! Now, Vesa Toskala isn't a terrible goalie. He's actually stellar on some nights. But when your defense SUCKS, your goalie can only do so much. He ain't Hasek, Brodeur, Joseph, or Belfour. Two of those guys aren't playing this year and would probably be better than what we've got. Leafs suck.

Then in the off-season, with names like Drury, Briere, and Kariya out there... we get.. Jason Blake. He's scored 40 goals ONCE in his career - last year. He's on pace for 20 this year, which is pretty much his average. Of course, we're paying him like a 40-goal scorer. He's also old. Oh, and he has leukemia. Seriously. Overpaid, over-the-hill free agents... awesome. Leafs suck.

Mats Sundin. Best player on the team. He's got some grit, heart, and all kinds of skill. They'd be in even worse shape without him. Trade his ass. His contract is up at the end of the season. Sign him back. He's more valuable as an asset than a player right now. He's our captain, but he's no Gilmour or Clark... or Vaive, Sittler or Keon for that matter. I have no idea why, but he just seems incapable of elevating the entire squad and carrying the team on his back like those guys could. Leafs suck.

So what to do? Keep playing the way you're playing guys. Last place will be all locked up for you. Then you have a real shot at the 1st pick in this year's draft! Get a Stamkos or Doughty or Bogosian. I suggest one of the last two, since we need D. Don't play them next year... tank a second time and go for Tavares. Oh, and once you finish last, fire Ferguson. Shitcan Peddie while you're at it. Tanenebaum isn't going anywhere since he's an owner. Peddie's just the Teachers' frontman. Maurice can stay for a bit, but only if he proves himself. Bring in someone who knows what the fuck they're doing. Scotty Bowman comes to mind... give him TOTAL control of the team and all decisions and I bet he'd come. Don't tell him he has to give your worthless GM a contract extension. What blackmail does Ferguson have on you guys? The team needs to rebuild from the top down. Leafs suck.

But none of it will happen. Maybe Ferguson will be fired at the end of the season. Peddie won't keep his worthless mitts off the team though. Look how bad the Raptors were until Stern told them to back the fuck off and hire someone who had a clue. Why won't this happen? Because the Leafs happen to be the richest, most profitable team in the league. For the last 41 years, they've sold out almost every game without winning a damned thing. Ticket prices are ridiculous, and even worse when you have to go to a scalper. The whole organization is built to take the fans money and give very little in return. From a business perspective, you have to respect that. So until people stop showing up, and revenues start to drop, nobody upstairs will care. Leafs suck.

Go Leafs Go!


Alan aka RecessRampage said...

Seriously bro... what do you do? You average like 20 posts a day... and they're all uber posts...

btw, thanks for the strip club info. btw, there's no strip club equivalent of a bad beat that you're hiding from us right, like "all nude but no contact"??? Cuz THAT would be a bad beat.

Astin said...

The secret: Don't edit. :)

Contact... depends on the dancer. There are lap dances. Generally, hands are allowed in the more innocent places. If you get the right girl, then she'll make it obvious if she's a bit more lenient... but they're all scared of security catching them.